School Refusal: Overcoming Resistance to Attendance

I’m sure that many parents have faced mornings when it seems an impossible task to coax a reluctant child or children out of bed and through the morning school routine, to safely deposit them at school with everything they need for the day ahead. When does difficulty in achieving this become school refusal?

From time to time you may have experienced situations where your child has refused to co-operate and has missed the day as a result.  Of course, it is completely normal that occasional glitches in routine occur, perhaps as a result of sickness.  As a general rule though your child’s school attendance is likely to be within acceptable parameters as laid down by the local education authority in your area.

Emerging Patterns

But what happens when a pattern starts to emerge of missed days?  Your child may simply refuse to co-operate.  If they are already a teenager you are not going to be able to physically make them do anything they have decided against participating in or co-operating with.  It might be that your son or daughter pleads exhaustion, depression, illness or anxiety as reasons for non-compliance and it is only natural that you should want to support them if they are not feeling 100 per cent.

When that pattern of missed days becomes weeks and months and the school is breathing fire down your neck because it is after all your legal responsibility to ensure that your son or daughter does go to school, then how can you turn the situation around? 

It is important that you respond to the situation as soon as you become aware that it has become an issue, primarily because it is much easier to overcome the issues your son or daughter is struggling with before behavioral traits become ingrained. 

Ideally you will have been able to initiate some form of rehabilitative action before your son or daughter’s situation has reached extreme levels.  Communication with the school is very important as they can and should offer support and advice to both you and your child.  Most schools have some level of pastoral care available through a school counsellor or other trained and dedicated staff member.  Other organisations you may want to consider contacting for support are referred to later in this article.

Common Reasons for School refusal

Let’s look at some of the common reasons for school refusal:-

Avoidance of school related situations and stimuli.  For example, your son or daughter may be adversely affected by noise, crowds or the journey to or from school.  There might be particular locations in school which cause them issues, such as hallways and corridors, or objects such as the school bell or fire alarm.

Avoidance of bullying, exclusion, discrimination or other behaviours initiated by other students and which your son or daughter is unable to effectively cope with on their own. 

Avoidance of social or evaluative situations where your son or daughter may feel inadequate or anxious.  Social situations are likely to include group activities within class and/or peer group gatherings during break times.  Evaluative situations would include but not be limited to being assessed for oral exams, class tests and giving presentations in front of an audience.

To get extra attention and physical closeness from a parent or carer as a means of gaining emotional well being and lessening anxiety, particularly separation anxiety.

To gain rewards for non-attendance, such as the freedom to watch television, game, sleep or engage in other activities which would not be available at school. 

While your son or daughter may initially refuse school for a specific reason, the effects of non-attendance are cumulative and complex.  They may for example refuse to go to school because the pressure upon them to perform academically becomes too much for them to cope with.  But prolonged absence from school becomes enjoyable due to the benefits/rewards they gain and the sense of comfort they experience at avoiding the situation they are unable to cope with.  This self-isolation can also exacerbate social anxiety as your son or daughter then feels unable to interact with peers and others and withdrawal from society becomes more pronounced.

It is also important to understand that your son or daughter may exhibit physical symptoms such as nausea, stomach or head pain and other ailments.  You may find it helpful to speak to your GP to see what advice and support they can offer or suggest, as well as to eliminate any physical cause for your child’s feelings of unwellness.

Getting Help

The NHS is able to offer support through CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services), or CYPS (Children and Young Persons Services).  The government have recently funded a new service which is presently being trialled at a number of locations across the UK – Trailblazers – which works directly with schools and parents to try to manage what is a growing issue in the education system with child mental health.

Should you be unable to access adequate support through the health services and education system or be faced with a delay in any treatment or support commencing, you may want to consider arranging for your son or daughter to see a therapist in the interim period – particularly if they are struggling with anxiety and/or fear.  It is important for your child that the situation is resolved as soon as possible to minimise the unavoidable impact of their absence on their progress at school.  Severe school refusal can lead to failure to complete school altogether, the need to repeat a year, or lead to failing some or all exams.  

While finding a resolution to the struggle your son or daughter is facing may seem out of view, once a plan has been put in place for them and you are armed with the understanding and knowledge that you need to deal with the situation, progress can and will be made.  The plan which is formulated for your child will almost certainly also involve some change in the way that you approach interactions with them.  The dynamics in your relationship will require adjustment for any rehabilitation to be as effective as possible.

It may be useful to read as much as you can about school refusal so that you are able to approach each incident or event that arises with as much understanding and patience as possible.  There may be some days when your son or daughter appears to be making good progress and others when they seem to take a backward step.  This is quite normal and consistency in your approach, together with calm application of the advice and guidance you are receiving will support a positive outcome.  Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you feel I may be of any assistance.  You can read more about student well being here.